The Joanie O’Brien Column

Welcome to the Joanie O’Brien Column. These thoughts are hers, and hers alone, and do not reflect the opinions of the state of California.

Joanie wrote this prior to the election and passed it on to me after reading about the Conscience being the Funny Man. We hope to have much more humor for Joanie in the weeks and months ahead.

To my supporters – I thought you would all enjoy it.

I can’t wait to vote, I am going to write in my name – I could do a better job than all of them. Jack (brother) will be my VP as he has researched all foreign affairs and now is an expert on the economy. I will probably appoint Eva head of Treasury – as you know how to make things balance and handle money. Breanne, of course will be Secretary of State as she is a diplomat and not afraid to stand up for people’s rights. Your son will be head of all the unions around the country because he works more hours than anyone I know. Shelley will run the Whitehouse and make sure the food is good. She is a great cook and is now doing care taking for elderly people. Donovan will be the First Man and get all new clothes. He will be in charge of White house electronics, special events. He has handled huge events for CSUN. (He will also be in charge of Whitehouse landscape) Of course as First Man he will have to get more per diem than anyone else. It will be perfect as he is retiring from CSUN in December and will be ready to take office with me in January. Talika will be in charge of entertainment and music and state dinners. Right up her alley. Jim of course, will be in charge of all the military and homeland security-that goes without saying. I will have to think about the rest of the cabinet (as I have many more relatives and friends to appoint) and of course, I will have to get a dog. All the presidents have dogs on the white house lawn.

10/24/08 – Newsflash - New cabinet members – Craig will be appointed Attorney General for obvious reasons – He is an expert on all types of law and will never have to go to court. Knowing Craig he will probably keep his current job and commute to the Whitehouse. Sima will be head of the CIA – this needs no explanation as to how I came to my decision. Cassie will be my double and work as my direct security. No one will ever take a shot as they won’t know which one of us is me – I will just have to start wearing 5” heels and change my hair style a little. Cassie will also pick out the President’s wardrobe. As a controversial President I will want to keep it interesting. Michael (grandson) will be in charge of physical therapy for the President and cabinet. Daily massages will be assigned for everyone including all foreign dignitaries who visit the Whitehouse. Bridgette will be appointed exercise guru for the Senate and House of Representatives – Promoting homeless (oops) homeland fitness, She will be assigned to reduce any protruding stomach within the legislature. Tara will be in charge of foreign affairs – she has traveled extensively and knows all the good places to get the best wine. Shannon will be in charge of the bridge to nowhere and other incomplete infrastructure projects throughout the U.S. Dena will be in charge of privacy – her daily routine will be telling the other cabinet members to mind their own “business”. Maybe they will get something done. Mike (Breanne’s beau) will be in charge of writing all Presidential songs and music – I will have a song for every occasion especially the President’s birthday – “Witchy Woman” comes to mind.

Please nominate any other relatives and friends – I still have the heads of the FBI, Whitehouse stationary, designer of signature pens the President gives out after signing “very important documents and of course Veto’s”, and last but not least – the head of determination for what type of candy is at all cabinet meetings – I prefer corn candy, but will have to have someone in charge decide that – ‘going to war meetings” with the Generals of course require chocolate. I will be too busy deciding what decisions I should decide on to think about candy.

I still have to appoint Brian, Lisa, Chad and Josh – but no problem – there are plenty of posts to go around. Next update will come before the election.

So much for dreams. But it is scary, as the above makes sense compared to what is going on currently. Isn’t it funny how we have so many family and friends who could work for the government and probably make a success out of it.

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