How Great Is Puppy Love ?

How Great Is Puppy Love?
By Jerome Green

Part 1: Developing Perspective

Perspective is a very interesting quality to have in one’s emotional Rolodex. For the past week or so, I have been feeling depressed and hopeless about my own personal situation – of being placed in a holding pattern, waiting for my next move. Over the past 10 years, I have been running a youth basketball program, sometimes making money, sometimes not. Along the way there have been magical opportunities that have been bestowed upon me – the most significant one being fortunate enough to be part of the lives of the young men that I have known. There has been a mutual exchange and luvv between us. This exchange, coupled with my own son, Pharaoh’s move to college has brought me to an apex of my own life. Where do I go from here? What is next on the horizon for Jerome? As my wife Gail so aptly pointed out to me, “what ever it is, you have to thrive”. I hadn’t thought about thriving in awhile. I was more in the survival mode. In fact, I hadn’t really thought about thriving in some time.

Along with this personal process I have also been looking at several issues, including Rescue Services for puppies and how it seems to me that as people we might have an easier time having compassion for puppies than we do for each other. Don’t misunderstand me; as in the Dr. Doolittle series of books on talking to animals, animals clearly deserve to be luvved. What amazes me is how easily it seems, at least to me, for people to move into a greater luvv capacity with puppies than with each other.

I digress a little here, but I make this point to move to a greater point – my obsession with my situation and how the obsessive nature of what I am going through locked up my consciousness, disconnected me from conscience, and placed me in the deep abysses of my mind. Sometimes, for me, I have to dig myself into a deep mental hole in order to come out more aware and with greater strength to continue the pursuit of happiness. Today was such a day, where my personal actions and the wisdom and compassion of my companion, Henry, allowed me to grab hold of the “All’s Ladder” and climb out of the tomb that I had built and placed myself in.

6:45 AM Saturday, September 4, 2010.

I am laying in bed, wallowing in my own misery, lamenting on my situation of no money and no job prospects and feeling that I was a complete and utter failure that didn’t deserve to breath the oxygen or let alone take up any more space. Yes, the mind can fuck you up, if you allow it to strip you of your connection to conscience and the heart and proceed to do mental flogging on yourself. As I was laying in bed, I am thinking, “I am supposed to play golf with Dave, but golf is going to cost me $60.00 and I have $84.00 in cash and a very special $100 bill that my son gave me four years ago that I don’t want to spend”.

As I am going through this exercise in stupidity, I am also dealing with my left knee that has been throbbing for about 24 hours and affecting my sleep. On and on I went. I called my buddy Dave and told him I didn’t think I was going to make it. I am not sure what it was, but there was something in his voice that encouraged me to get out of bed to go golf. There was a special quality in his voice. Usually he will push me or try and guilt me into playing. This time he went into discovery mode. He asked, “what’s up? I told him that I was going through stuff and was a little down. This time, he just said “Okay, let me know, but you know you do your best thinking on the golf course”. Of course he was correct: the golf course for the past 18 years has been my refuge place, the place where ideas come to me and where I find a sense of peace, passion, purpose and direction. It more of where my thoughts come together and where my life cells get renewed.

What was I thinking, or actually, why was I thinking and not acting? Laying in bed anguishing over my situation wasn’t going to change it. Moving deeper into survival mode, by holding on to my feeble $60.00 wasn’t going to assist me to thrive at a higher level. It was time for action. Time to get my ass out of bed and head to the golf course.

The round of golf was fun. I shot an 87. I tied my buddy Dave, and we had a spirited match down the stretch. I hit some very good shots, and missed about 4 or 5 birdie putts. The main thing is I shot P.A.R. (personal achievement record) by getting out of bed and having some fun. There are many approaches to golf. Years ago, I determined that I wasn’t going to get hung up on the standard rules and scores of the game of golf. So I established P.A.R. golf to acknowledge the personal nature of the game and to allow me to recognize when I did something on the course that isn’t governed by the PGA of America, local rules or the Rules of golf. It allows me to play with more spirit and purpose. When I first started playing golf I wanted to be able to get every ball I hit in the air. I didn’t care what direction it went it, as long as very ball I hit toward the green was in the air. When I accomplished that goal, I achieved P.A.R.

I observed as part of the caution I am currently holding in my consciousness, that I was safety putting instead of going for my birdie putts. This again was a P.A.R. moment. It was great to feel and view this.

Driving home talking to Henry.

After my round, I got in the car and called my spiritual companion, Henry. I didn’t really have too much to say other than that I was struggling and feeling a sense of hopelessness about my financial situation and more importantly not really having any true direction at the time. I really didn’t have much to say. We talked about golf and the process that I went to get my ass to the golf course, which we both laughed about. I was happy that I did and enjoyed it.

Henry said to me “Well, you’ve already done something today. You listened, got out of bed and played 18 holes of golf. Not too many people in your condition can say that”. As usual, there was a shit load of truth in what he said. It resonated through me like an elixir luvv potion. I could feel myself breathing a little easier and becoming more appreciative of my listening and discipline skills.

He told me that I was being asked to hold and wait for direction. That no matter what I did, I wasn’t going to be able to change it – it’s something that is larger than what I can imagine or come up with, and if I can hold with it, it will surely surprise me. This reminded me of several books that I have read- The Old Man and The Sea, Jonathan Livingston Seagull and The Prophet, where each man was asking why, and when and where being told to hold.

Floods in Pakistan

What Henry said next was critically important to my state of being and even as I write now, is changing my perspective on things. “I have been looking at the floods in Pakistan”. Whoa, floods in Pakistan? Where have I been, why haven’t I heard about it? I am always on the Internet, reading the paper, watching the news, and on facebook. Why haven’t I been made aware of this? He went on to say that over $350, 000, 000 has been spent on rescue aid. I had to admit that there wasn’t a lot of coverage on this, especially in the States. Henry went on to talk, and for some reason the conversation brought my thoughts back to the Puppy Rescue people that have been outside of Gold’s gym in Venice for the past several weekends. I told Henry that I noticed how quick people were to cuddle and embrace the puppies and how that there could be a homeless person on the sidewalk outside of the gym and no one would hardly say a word or assist them.

Henry went on to talk about compassion and how important it was to assist people like the folks in Pakistan to encourage them, give them a lift and assist them through this. He went on to say how most Christians want to say it’s an act of god and one of those things, but to Henry this flood was a call for compassion. As he spoke, I was still amazed that I was not aware of these floods. I was aware of the suicide bombing that has been happening over there, but not the floods.

Henry encouraged me to write more and to explore this area about Pakistan. I have to admit, I don’t think too much about the Middle East, other than the war and my personal frustration that over several hundred years, peace can’t be established there. Never mind that, we still haven’t found peace over in the great U.S.A. But that’s the trick of the media and the western civilization mindset. If those guys over there would just stop acting up, we would all be all right. What about if “I” can just have peace in my life and find a way to bring greater luvv, compassion and appreciation to those that I interact with. Wouldn’t that be newsworthy?

My assignment from the “All’s” editor was to come home and to write about “How Great is Puppy Love” and to explore more about the Pakistan floods. Henry talked about how my writing was going. I told him, it’s the only thing I have to hear a clear direction on, but that no one was paying me to write and that the financial burden was all on Gail and our other business, – Go Green Learning. I felt like I wasn’t going to be able to assist by writing. He asked, aren’t you a part of Go Green Learning? You are being asked to write and if you do what you are being asked, the money will come in through other channels. If you don’t do what you are being asked, who knows what’s going to happen. Yes, no one is directly paying you cash for your writing, but the writing is necessary. The “All” wants you to write and to discuss things that are not being discussed by media outlets. I could feel that and could feel the power of the direction (more on direction in Part 2).

When I got home, there were several things I noticed, 1) my knee wasn’t throbbing anymore, and 2) I felt I had a purposeful day and a greater sense of my overall direction.

I watched some football, ate some great meatballs that Gail made, took a nap and then starting researching the floods in Pakistan. I am so grateful for this assignment, because it has already provided me with freedom and has given me a deeper perspective. I Googled floods in Pakistan and immediately began to realize that what I am going through was a mere drop in the bucket compared to other situations over there and even here in the USA.

I visited the Islamic relief web site and began learning not only about what’s happening over there, but also what’s happening here in America. I went into the blog on the site and learned about a day called “Day of Dignity” that is being run by different Islamic Mosques around the country. I was moved by the various videos, pictures and stories on the blog about the Day, and its impact on so many lives. I was also personally moved by my own realization that while my situation isn’t the best, it is clearly nowhere near the worst. I have two wonderful companions in my life. My wife Gail and my son Pharoah, who are two luvving soulful companions that have encouraged me and given me purpose for over 22 years.

My son Pharoah is away at school and is off into his new adventures of his own. As Henry said, when he was about 2 or 3, “Children come in to irritate their parents so that the parents can grow, learn and develop”. Pharoah has definitely done that for me in a very compassionate in luvving way. Gail has done the same. She continues to be my beacon of joy through my various journeys of discovery

Perspective, especially the heightened self-awareness of things all around me is my personal journey to this point. I have gained greater self-perspective, by providing compassion for my companions in Pakistan and also here in the America.

To be continued…

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